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i shouldnt be ungrateful like this without it i wouldnt hv any of… - "your merest stray phenomenon" [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[Jan. 9th, 2017|05:59 pm]
i shouldnt be ungrateful like this without it i wouldnt hv any of this today i wouldnt hv had the opportunities i would hv had in the last couple of years and had the means to attempt other things and expand my horizons i shouldnt be ungrateful like this but it sometimes, often comes back when things seem to go badly, when i become skeptical and doubt my own choices wonder what would have had happened if i didn't choose it it would have been a lot more difficult and a lot fewer opportunities at my fingertips but i cant help but think about if all remained ceteris paribus then right here right now, without that choice things would perhaps look more hopeful and i could have easily given up a month, or even forever but maybe im just being me reckless and easily ignorant about what even brought me here there is no ceteris paribus and the truth is even if so how long would it last because after all the longer u prolong the more painful it gets esp when u have to rip the bandage out and maybe i just want to hide and i just want to dream that things will be ok for me, ok in my terms and not other people's that even when my previous choices will play out better than if i hadnt had chosen them i want to believe that i would have still be fine either way but the truth is this may not even have happened and i shouldnt be so ungrateful i have more than enough maybe it's time to stop dreaming maybe it's time to stop playing